That’s right, we’re taking over. From Djibouti, Afghanistan, Latvia, or you fucks in Rhode Island (thought I’d forget about you didn’t you!?) we’re invading your homes, having our way with your women and drinking your beer.
The simple fact of the matter is that 98% of the American population is sorely misinformed by these media outlets such as the evening news and celebrity magazines. Luckily that’s where myself and Paul step in, see two badasses such as ourselves feel the need to give back to the community that we are so superior to out of pity. What does this result in you may be asking yourself? Well random blog subscriber (or reader, but why the fuck haven’t you subscribed yet?) I’m glad you’ve asked; you see we’re here to put our thoughts into text for those of you Americans fortunate enough to have been taught how to read before reaching the 11th grade, which is a rarity these days, to enjoy wholeheartedly.
We’re here to discuss the hard hitting issues, such as why drinking 2% milk makes you a terrorist, and why to not give a wombat coca-cola. You see we here at “Paul and Mitch Know More Than You” know that we know more than you, and plan to let you in on this fact as much as possible. You should feel honored that we have decided to grace you with just a fraction of our knowledge.
So sit back, relax, put your penis back in your pants, this is not one of those types of blogs…. unless that will help us get more readers, in which case we’ll talk; and enjoy our manuscripts from here until we exhale our final witty breath.
- Mitch West
Think back to the last time you felt content with anything in your life… Go ahead, think it up. Thats what I thought, your life is most likely an empty dark pit. You most likely spend most of your time wallowing in a pool of self pity, until today. Anything you have ever wondered about in the world ever, you can find a definite answer here. We will take what you know, smother it in hot sauce, eat it, and shit it out. You will take that shit and replace your brain with it, that is how worthless your brain is, and how amazingly valuable our shit is. Take it for what its worth.
We will blow your mind, then reassemble it, and then proceed to blow it again. Your mind will be so numb to blowing’s, that we will discover a new level of mind blowing. Never a dull moment when you are with Paul and Mitch.
Now, being as lazy as I am I am going to stop writing because I don’t know what else to write, so fuck you and good night.
- Paul
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