There’s nothing I’d rather do at 5 o’clock after a hard day at work than sit in my favorite chair, put my feet up, have a beer and watch T.V. It’s so relaxing to be able to unwind after a long day at the office, and it’s really what keeps me from going wacko in this repetitive life we all share.
But wait, what the fuck is this. I can’t get home because I’m stuck in fucking traffic and this asshole isn’t letting me merge! Sure we’ve all experienced the conundrum that is rush hour traffic, and sure we’ve all gotten upset from dip-shit drivers who don’t know what a gas pedal is, but what’s the cause of these jams? If one ever thought about it, and I’m sure most have, one would more than likely come to the conclusion that the slow downs are simply caused by the large amount of vehicles occupying the freeway/highway at once. Now, this may be part of the issue yes, but at the same time, technically speaking if the large amount of vehicles were all travelling at the posted speed limit we shouldn’t have to come to a near dead stop every five minutes. It has to start somewhere, like the front of a really long line at an amusement park there has to be a beginning.
Our country is filled with drivers who have no idea what they’re doing, old people who drive the minimum speed limit down the freeway, Asian people who swerve all over the damn road cause they don’t know how to move their seat back (or do, but for some reason like being plastered up against the steering wheel), soccer moms in mini vans driving way too fucking fast and recklessly so their kids can get to practice on time (someone should inform them that kids can’t play softball six feet under the ground), the rednecks with the huge trucks that will not let you merge or pass them if you have a vehicle even slightly smaller than theirs, sluts on their cellphones oblivious to the more than apparent fact that they are driving, and last but not least… Greg.
That’s right, Greg, this mother fucker is the cause of every single traffic jam in America. You’ve seen him, we’ve all seen him. He’s that nerdy looking bastard with the glasses that drives a Geo Metro because of the great gas mileage. Yeah, I hate this son of a bitch. Now, at this point, you may be wondering how can one person be causing all of the traffic jams in America, that’s impossible. Cause he’s a mother fucker, that’s how. This shredded, used up hymen lives solely for the purpose of making our daily commute hell so he can sit up there and girlishly laugh his ass off at us.
Unfortunately there is no way to end his menace, and it appears as though he is timeless. Just passing on his ways of doucheism to his next of kin as to pass the proverbial torch on to the next Greg. So, in response to this I say kudos to you Greg, you constantly make the simple daily task of driving to and from work a living hell, and there’s absolutely not a damn thing I can do about it. Kudos for filling my already chiseled heart with so much rage and hatred that I could snap a half retarded mimes neck. Kudos for making me hate you so much that I felt the need to make this completely unnecessary blog post about you…
Kudos Greg…
-Mitch West
